Accountant jokes
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Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:
"He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
"The auditors have just left, sir."
"Did they check the books?"
"Very thoroughly."
"What did they say?"
"They want 15% to keep quiet."
The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.
"This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."
The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"
"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant."
"I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."
The managing partner in an accounting firm is very annoyed with one of his junior partners and has called him in to chastise him.
"How could you possibly advise the client in the way you did? That was completely unethical. We are always conscious of Ethics in this firm. You do know what Ethics is don't you?"
The young partner is offended. "Of course I know what Ethics is. It's a county in southern England."
An auditor is checking the books of an airline. He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne to Canberra flight. He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.
"It was late at night'" says the pilot, "Canberra was covered in fog and I lost my bearings."
"I'm sorry," says the auditor, "but you'll have to bear the cost yourself."
"The cost of what?" asks the pilot.
"Of the bearings you lost."
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